If you analyze your life, you’ll see that it has completely changed over the past twelve months, Cancer. You’ve matured as an individual and your actions have been beneficial to yourself and those around you. Try to make changes as often as you can. Don’t stop now. You need to feel that your life is evolving all the time. There is no time to rest.
Lol, look at my horoscope Dr. J. Do you think its correct? I would say it is so. But yay for the matured as individual. What a great compliment. J
<Self console boost +996,845,653,789,313,299,999,999>
Sorry it took a while to update, Dr. J; I have been caught up with amass of distracting things lately, (fun, distracting things they are) that I barely have time to breathe. It’s good though, because I’m planning not to miss anything 10 days before my birthday. Wow… it’s the great 30, Dr. J. and everything is sailing very well. Well, not all things, but they are minor that I can discard them anytime. Generally, life is good. It’s a blessing. Plus, my mental is so positive right now, which is a great factor. I definitely believe now, that life is how you see it. If you see life in a negative way, then you’re helpless. But look at it in a positive way, everything changes. I believe the predominant factor is your attitude on how you take and see things. For now, I’m in a phase where I just simply try to see every positive’s on the things that come my way. And if there is any instinct that it will go wrong, I see to it that I hold the power to change it to my will. My approach is: look for positive, take control, win-win attitude, if things don’t go well, then accept defeat, grab the lesson and move on. Of course, prayer, meditation or however you call it, is right there in the middle of everything.
Easier said than done? Correct. But the changes in me didn’t occur overnight. It took years and years of practice, heartaches, journey and experience. And lots of balls too.
So let’s see what things are different with me now.
(By the way, if you’re a reader who is thinking `why does this blogger talk about herself all the time? Well, its because you’re not reading a blog. You’re reading a literal diary. So no, I wont talk about tips on gaming, advise on computer specs, IRC acronyms, movie and book review, etc etc. if you don’t like what youre reading, there’s the X button (aka close window) on the upper right hand corner of your screen. You can click on right now. – By management.)
1) I push back – a lot
I’m not afraid to fight for what I think is right. And/or if I feel I’m being pushed over, I don’t hesitate to push back. Funny, cause many years ago, I didn’t have this skill. When I’m being pushed, I simply just sit back, sulk, and dread the confrontation so I hide. But it’s very different now. If you mess with me, I will fuck up your day, and your life. I guess this is what the horoscope is saying.
2) I’m no longer very, very shy.
I remember some entries here pertaining to shyness… well guess what, I don’t have them now. I can join up a party and be the center of attention if I want to. It took a while for me to realize I have that skill. 
Sometimes it’s great; you can use it to your advantage. I’m still shy, but I have the attitude to control it now. It would all depend entirely on the situation. If I don’t see it fitting to be shy, then I go out there and kick some ass. I’m not saying I’m not intimidated still. Sometimes I still get my shy-shield up and hide. But it would depend entirely on the situation.
3) I learned to be a bitch
OK. This one, I’m not fully ripe yet, but I’m getting there. I was inspired to learn this skill due to: books I read; one is called “Nice girls don’t get the corner room” (a book about how office politics work) and “Why guys love bitches” (a short story about guys’ view on independent women). Then there are some real great women/friends who inspired me to be a fighter, not a wimpy, geeky girl I used to be. My old, geeky, wimpy shy self would prolly be scared to face or know me today. lol.
4) I do make ups – and give myself the best care
A decade ago, I don’t even wear lipsticks. I don’t fix my hair, and I don’t do fancy clothes. I was into baggy or straight cut jeans (how geeky), plain t-shirts, disheveled hair and angsty aura, I didn’t have earrings. I was sooo scared to color my hair. I didn’t do foot spa, manicure etc. I didn’t have any jewelry. I was thin, but unhealthy. I don’t exercise, and just basically, forgot to take care of myself. That doesn’t happen now, no sir. As my old friends say: `I’ve been transformed`. Yay, I’m a transformer.
5) I say no – and it means NO.
OK. I must say this was the hardest lesson to learn. This, I owe it to years and years of experiences. And I realize that saying no isn’t just about saying no – rather, you’re standing up for yourself, you’re standing up for your family name, you’re standing up to protect yourself. And this saying no just doesn’t apply to people who turn their eyes into dollar sign each time they see you. This is also applicable to things that people want to borrow from you. From books to guitars to boyfriends. Yeah, I realize that, after all these years, I let people borrow too much. And this time, I don’t hesitate to say no. (plus F.U if they piss me off).
6) I let it slide – moving on
Things don’t normally go and will never ever go the way you hope them to be. Sometimes when life beats you up like that, you want to scream, you want to bawl, you want to rip the persons head apart, or maybe you want to jump off the building. You know what my advice for this is? Do it all! (well except the ripping head and jumping off buildings). If you feel like crying or screaming or boxing to let your emotions out, do it. I’ve lots and lots of friends whom I have advised it’s OK and healthy to cry. It usually happens in those nights of drinking, when everyone’s drunk, and just chatting nonsense. Then it comes… like white crystals in their eyes, they begin their descent from the corner of the eyes, down to the cheeks, followed with a sob and a sigh. They’re suppressing it, suppress because you don’t want to be that idiot who looks like a fool crying and bawling your heart out. Girl, let it out! Go to the bathroom if you must (of course you don’t want to be bawling in the bar with people staring at you) then cry your heart out! Nothing is wrong with that. Just remember to sleep after doing so, because crying burns you out. lol. But trust me, you’ll wake up refreshed more than ever, and/or if you feel like crying again, then do it. Once you’re done, compose yourself, move on and get ready to kick asses. It’s payback time.
I do mine privately.
7) I’m great financially cos pay myself first – seeking stability
As Oprah say: YES YOU CAN! Finance is a very sensitive matter to me. And it’s a top priority too. I’m not saying burn and work your life out. No. In fact, I highly recommend working on a job that you love most, even if it’s somewhat low paying. See, jobs are just jobs. It’s what you do out of your job that means a lot. And again, bring the attitude. Pay yourself first. You’ll hear every investor, businessmen say this, and it’s actually true. My financial stability was what I’ve given myself some 3 years or so back. It was hard at first, it took discipline, balls, heartaches, sleepless and hungry nights, but with constant practice, you’ll learn. There is a 180 degrees promise at the end of the tunnel. Just pay yourself first. And if you have the skill and balls, go learn investing, entrepreneurship, or explore stock market, and learn, learn, learn. That’s all there is to it.
8) I accept all there is about me – emo or not
Yeah. All your humble changes will actually start with this. If you cant love yourself, then who will? Love other people, love your family, love your friends, but love yourself too.
9) I swear a lot XD – not good
Haha. This skill was given to me before, but it fully blossomed in Manila. XD It’s bad yeah, but I guess it just means that I’ve come out of my shell. Of course I don’t overdo it. I don’t do it infront of the kids, or my family.
10) Healthier and more active – physical awareness
Yeap. Another way to love yourself. Nobody can make you exercise than yourself. No one can lift your leg or move your arm for you. You must do it yourself. Getting too fat? Control your carbo. Getting to heavy? Exercise to lose the pounds. Don’t like boring jogging? Try playing sports with your friends. You wont believe how good it feels.
11) Better Perspective – knowing and identifying your values & morals
Now this is deep. I’d say this is something for you and yourself to discuss. As for me, I totally and definitely know what my values and morals are. And I generally stand by those principles better now.
12) Material girl
I wonder if amassing valuable materials is a sin. I mean, if you amass great, convenient kitchen wares, or equipments, is it a sin? Who is to know? Anyway, my take on this is that I’m a material girl in terms of value, not the price. I believe the price will never define the value of an object, no matter what the brand of the number of zeroes at the price tag is. A $2 guitar figurine has so much value to me than a $15,000 abstract painting that I don’t even understand. This is a cool concept to teach your self: knowing the difference on value vs price. I have always lived with these 3 principles when it comes to materials: `less is more`, `only buy what you can afford` & `always pay in cash`. This way, I don’t amass materials out of credits. I control and use my money in real time, not after the 30 day calendar account statement cut off.
I also `purge` my things once in a while. I throw out/give whatever things I can’t use, or donate the clothes that I’ve outgrown. That way, I minimize the things that clog my life and my cabinet space so I end up with a new room for the brand new things.
13) Spiritual fulfillment
This is generally life meaning I’m talking here. I have found it. And yes, I don’t think I’ll depart from it. Whatever your religious or spiritual views are, as long as you feel content, and alive, I’d say congrats.
Is it unlucky that I have 13 (unlucky 13) things that are changed? If so, let’s add another.
14) Diving – one more fear eliminated
This week Dr. J, I just conquered my fear, and learned how to Dive. It was a fear factor moment. You know very well how petrified I am with deep water. But I resolved that if I don’t face the fear now, then I won’t face it forever. It took a long while to get myself off the diving board, but when I jumped, I thought `this is it! `. And now I’m learning! I want to improve. I want to learn more. And hell I will.
Diving here I come!!!
There are still many things to learn. And I will keep exploring till I’m satisfied. But they say men are never and will be satisfied. So I guess I have to keep walking. J
Oh and Dr. J, I got me a new guitar! I will make a separate post when the picture is available.
Wha. This is a lonng entry! lol.
